I’ll be good I promise, if only to hasten my blessings

Happy new whatever
  I’d say year, indicating I know one ended
but you know, time’s a concept/illusion or whatever
Factual because I saw no shift or change on `new year’……
   still extra broke, unemployed, struggling, wanting things, dreaming still (funny), not very happy actually
and sadly hope is fading

Where is my jesus?

Pull me out somebody
For again I am plagued
And in a matter of breaths
I’ll be scattered around in bits of me
Irreconcilable it will be
So pull me out now

Faster please
I’m outside my body
And I won’t have long
If it’s not done now
That decay, oh it’s fast

Light a fire at least
Where my heart used to be
Maybe there’s a tiny life
That will be ruffled out
From beneath the rot

I remember being inside my head
That’s where I got lost
If the memories of my fantasy serve
I created and finished my misery there
From an unacceptable predicament
To an overthought fantasy
I killed my own hope
I lost my Jesus to overthinking

And I want him back
Before it’s too late

My short story…

I’m not a freak of nature but I have a story of my own….

I come from a village where going to a good high school is considered success leave alone graduating uni.
I don’t know where I lie along poverty lines coz I’ve seen tough days, from lack of school fees to sleeping hungry twice when growing up.
My dad being a drunkard from before I was born and giving us several death scares.
Doing tough man like duties because it is part of growing up in a village and you have to make your money to help yourself
Surviving through a `cool kids’ high school and an even more outrageous university, scandal free to be precise.
Oh, and I’ve not been pregnant yet, which by my village’s standards makes me their Holy Mary
Having my first romantic relationship at 22-which from my upbringing’s interpretation equals loosing my virginity at 22!
Graduating with a degree i didn’t choose to study leave alone want to, with Honours though
Having an existential crisis every waking day yet with a clear vision of what I want to achieve in the near future.
Not to mention trying to find a job because that’s what graduands should do.

But, I effing Love my life.
I love where my mind leads me
I love the positivity that it erupts in me and the beautiful path it sets me on
I love the little I can call my achievements
I love every single thing life throws at me, because this same life has taught my mind to take notes and lessons and with that, imma build one hell of dream!

If they saw you

If they could see you,
waking up eyes bugged, tired and with a face that shows no desire to get up
If they saw you,
hurrying through busy streets, fighting at every turn, struggling to keep balance and gathering your tools for labour
And you still get to your place of work
If they saw you take it all in, smile through the pain, bearing with the unbearable and the patience in doing that.
If they heard all the sobs you hide, all the cusses under the mask and those tears you laugh away
They’d see the resilience you have in repeating that cycle, how brave you are to keep going. They would see the strength you have to not fall apart ever time.
And even when you break down, how gloriously you rise and keep fighting
If only you knew how strong you are!

Repost #this is life

Somehow this is familiar
walking knee-deep in this mould
is not new somehow

This circus confusion is somehow olde
I’ve been here before
I can tell I reasonate with this

My knuckles this numb is common,
it’s not shocking being this bruised
having my eyes this bugged is norm

This mind boggling mess around me
is kinda a thing
I can take in this whole avalanche of nothingness

I am not at all burdened
by the lot of sizzling chaos around here
it’s all plausible to me

Waking up to incomprehensible cries
is the beautiful songs
not sang by birds

It’s impossible to say I’m able to move on
from what I never paused to comprehend
being on my toes is blended into me

I’ve heard this song forever
my earaches are healed wounds
where a heart could take in the song, lies a hole where it disappears through

Gripping fear is a thing of the olde
the darkness during the day is penetrable
deathening is forgotten coz it’s the air breathed here

This whole mass of sorrows is a rich daily meal
never struggled to be put on the table
a tear could attract birds of prey

Dying is an inconvenience
it is highly welcomed though
it gives hope for an end but distracts the war…..

My selfish wish

Would you live your life just for me, because I want you to       
I want to keep you going, even when you don't want to       
I want to be the reason you try again, when you have no reason to keep going      
If you feel like giving up, I want you to think of me and take a deep breathe. And live for me.   
Please keep living, because I still need you         

Story behind this
My dad has been suffering from Alcohol Withdrawal Delirium for some time now. He usually gets back to his feet a few days after the incident and just as quickly falls back to drinking again. Last week he got an episode and it was by far the worst we’ve seen. He didn’t regain consciousness after the last seizure and had to be rushed to the emergency room. That was the scariest time in my life because I’ve never seen my dad sick, apart from the withdrawal episodes where he gets really bad seizures although none of those were ever as bad as this last one. He’s well now and we hope he it’s stays that way.


I’m an unfinished work of art, its why I won’t let you see me

          I am still in the making, so deep in the making           that some days I don’t even recognize me          

Some parts are already dried up,

 others all wet and raw, it’s disgusting  

         Why would I let you see a half made up brain?           Do you really wanna look at blurry dreams, painted on the wrong canvas(probably)?          

  You wanna listen to incomprehensible stutters that should  explain emotion?

I choose to not subject you to an unformed art

because one day I’m formed, the next I unravel…..it’s why I won’t let you see me

Letter to my friends

#live love laugh❤️

We sat down and dined
Over ‘tea’ that made us laugh so hard
In the midst of that
Deeper conversations were initiated
Confessions came
With them tears of regret
And how could we not
Talk about our fears in life
And the realization that we have stuck
Together through thick and thin
That our choice of friendship
Quite fell into place without much effort
So we resolve to be there still
Until we can’t anymore

With my friends 💚

Behind shut eyes

When I close my eyes, they open into a kaleidoscope
          not the flashy one you have in mind
But it flashes images of its own kind
Disturbing realities, breathtaking views and distorted beauties
First flashes hope
      then a dungeon of death opens up and swallows it
Those beautiful views are built on burning souls
         sorrowful fires of damnation are made to bounce
         like beautiful and more colourful northern lights
The pattern of the kaleidoscope tilts from beauty to no beautiful messes, but pretty cringing masses
That dungeon of death has a paradox of its own
            for there are lords who live in pure bliss
            and the condemned who barely live to exude the bliss
            needed by their lords
I wanna shut off from this predicament
But I blink and the kaleido gets more flashy
Bigger and more raging furnaces
Burning from more extravagant views and well fed souls
            and I keep blinking and opening and closing and it goes on…..

The troubled folk of Wishire

Down that valley, that deep deep valley lies giants
       giants small in possessions but huge huge dreams
That’s why they crawl up the walls of the valley everyday
      trying to escape
Troubled they risk their eyes falling into their skulls
    but still they strain to watch those that watch them from above
On the foot of their home valley they stand every day
    and look up to the top
    trust that there aren’t such pitiful pairs of eyes elsewhere
Among them are a danger that lingers
A lot that watches them not from above but from the valley
     they don’t know how dangerous they are
     their kinsmen who do not wish to be like those on top of the
For their wish is different
They wonder why their fellow valley-men wish to be up there
Worse, they wonder why they themselves do not share in that wish
     so with haunty eyes, gazes so sharp they pierce hearts
     and slithery steps, they pace around the valley and pose a danger to their valley mates
So, innocent wishers trying to run up walls of a troubled valley
faces trouble from their unwishing mates….

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