Life of opposites

Little by little, second after second, day after day
I feel the sap being sucked out of my being
Minutes after seconds a little bit of me melts away
Every now and then I get ripped
A part of me dies once in a while

Everytime I fall, the rise gets harder and more strenuous
As time drags by I lose myself a little bit more
From every fail I lose a bit more heart
After every turn on this everlasting road my blood cuts down
Every nightfall my body grows darker and scary

It’s been a long time coming and the end just began
I can clearly see the darkness at the end of this dim-lit road
The gradually developing downfall has quickened to a plummeting speedy drop
The cycle completes itself really quick these days
The loss and shed I readily await and go through silently

I’m saying that I drain faster nowadays
I wither more quickly and also blossom equally fast
I see clearly where there’s just blur and don’t complain much
I do not wish for change and when it comes I adapt real quick
I also grow weaker every nightfall and get strengthened every dawn

I get confused easily and confuse even more often
I rarely cry but laughter is just as scarce- maybe it’s because I don’t know when to do either
I want to reach out and be reached out to, but I still don’t want to leave my bursted bubble
I love the idea of going to sleep but strain to do so
I resent waking up and also strain to do so

#universal duality

#thisislife (continued)

…….it never stops
the fight goes on infinitely
we’ve become a thing, the fight and we

The fight and we are an inseparable duo now
a toxic one, wanting to part but not wanting to
we go for the fight, the fight comes to us

All this tale- ing , this play with words
this struggle to get out of our being and what it entails
the unending desire to change what is

This is what I’m trying to express here
#thisislife meaning that the chaos, fights, imbalance, and all that pertains of this world is what makes life life

I guess all I’m saying is that
life is such a chore
coz clearly it’s a daily chore

And you know something about daily chores,
they are there for those that awake in the morning
they have the chore awaiting

Oh, something else about chores, you chose how to do them
some are perfectionists, others average, others just poor at it
and others do the chore just for the sake,
Coz it’s there and they got to do it

But still, a chore that needs doing
Does this coincide with your understanding of life??


Somehow this is familiar
walking knee-deep in this mould
is not new somehow

This circus confusion is somehow olde
I’ve been here before
I can tell I reasonate with this

My knuckles this numb is common,
it’s not shocking being this bruised
having my eyes this bugged is norm

This mind boggling mess around me
is kinda a thing
I can take in this whole avalanche of nothingness

I am not at all burdened
by the lot of sizzling chaos around here
it’s all plausible to me

Waking up to incomprehensible cries
is the beautiful songs
not sang by birds

It’s impossible to say I’m able to move on
from what I never paused to comprehend
being on my toes is blended into me

I’ve heard this song forever
my earaches are healed wounds
where a heart could take in the song, lies a hole where it disappears through

Gripping fear is a thing of the olde
the darkness during the day is penetrable
deathening is forgotten coz it’s the air breathed here

The whole mass of sorrows is a rich daily meal
never struggled to be put on the table
a tear could attract birds of prey

Dying is an inconvenience
it is highly welcomed though
it gives hope for an end but distracts the war…..

To be Continued

Womanhood love

At 15 I said no. I was definitely not ready
At 17 I still said no. My parents didn’t entertain it at all. At 18 I tried saying no , but well, I guess I didnt make it strong enough because I slightly missed the step. But at 19 I said no. Because I was beginning to see an unpleasant pattern. In the 20s tricky as it can be, I stood by a no. Well, a flimsy one at some point maybe. And believe me I paid preciously when it didn’t work. The resolve to keep it no grew stronger then. I didn’t realize I was shutting the door slowly. At 23 hope was fading away. After 25 all hope was far at the horizon sinking into a sunset. At 28 the sun never came up again and if it did I didn’t quite make it out.Maybe the clouds were really thick about it. This is because my society took my ways out of context. It judged me when I couldn’t believe in their expectations about relationships. Natural they called it. Due to devastation, I gave in and tried it their way. But remember hope was lost and what remained where a door once existed was only a window. Sadly, I lost it. What I wanted I didn’t get. So I broke it off. And again I paid for it. A precious price of my time, resources and the greater one of all, emotionally. After the drainage, I couldn’t dare hope again. The tiny window was now so frosted coz of the cold Judgment I couldn’t even see me.Trust in love was blown off with no indication of ever resurfacing. At 30 you can guess it is no different. I’ve long given up on expecting a change. Should anyone expect a change from me either?


My salvation journey……

The very reason for my existence turning into a boring, weary and burdensome activity is saddening. So simply put because the magnitude of what it means cannot be fitted into words, at least none that I have come across so far.
But what do I say of myself, when worship holds no sentiment on me? When worship doesn’t prostrate me and drop me down in reverence? When worship won’t drive me to deny myself a single pleasure? When worship does nothing to scrub off the layer of filth in my heart?
When I cannot feel the commitment to live up to my purpose, I wonder what He thinks of me. Does He ever question his love for me?  I Am made to believe He doesn’t and never will. But well, He definitely has questions for me. He’s asked them in Malachi and Isaiah. Why won’t I see His love? Why do I give forth wild grapes when He’s expecting good grapes? I don’t have answers too. Sad. And humbling, you know. Because I know who has them. He does. That’s why He asks the questions. So I can listen for the answers too. And then He says that He is the way, truth and life. Simple huh! That Jesus Christ is the sole example and true master of Worship and the only way I get to the Father is through Him. And then I purpose to find Him and follow His example before I can’t anymore.

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